Sunday Soak: Barriers to Entry
"The Best Christmas Pageant Ever", some neuroscience from Dr. Lee Warren, M.D., and what it means to live by the better story.
Happy New Year, and Happy Sunday, friends!
Hey - does it bother anyone else that it’s so hard to find a Christ-focused Christmas movie anymore? I’ve taken note of it in the past, but it got under my skin so much as this year. I think because my time was so limited this season, I didn’t particularly want to watch the whole arsenal of Christmas movies that I normally enjoy. (Honestly, the year went by so quickly that I felt like I watched them all five minutes ago anyway._ So when I did finally have time to consume something - which was honestly not until Christmas Eve when my husband was at work and I was busy cleaning and baking and wanting something to listen to in the empty house - I was very irked to find that the majority of what was available was just dumb, nonsensical Santa, romance, or comedy-based films. But I wanted to listen to something about Jesus, and so I uttered a quick prayer about it, and sure enough, God delivered.
Enter “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” (1972) by Barbara Robinson on audiobook.
This was a serious favorite of mine as a child. My mother had given me the cassette tape, narrated by Elaine Stritch, whose gravelly, emphatic voice I listened to on loop on my little school-bus-shaped walkman. When I was young, it was just a very funny story, but when I saw this Christmas that it was made into a movie, I was reminded of how much I loved it as a little girl and decided to listen to the book again, then immediately purchase the movie and watch it multiple times (not normal for me).
The story of the school bully Imogene Herdman and her five troubled siblings showing up to participate in a church play hit differently as I listened to it in my little kitchen 30 years later while I prepped our Christmas Eve dinner. Somehow, I could see all of the characters come to life in the childhood I had lived. The know-it-all church girl, Alice Wendleken, who had enough of the Bible memorized to let everyone else know they weren’t as worthy as her to be in church. The kids from a stable, predictable, normal home life who always behaved - and whom I never quite understood.
Imogene, though, represented something of a dichotomy to me. She was poor, physically neglected, and left to care for her younger siblings in the only ways she knew how. As the children asked questions about the Christmas story in the book, we got indicators of the life they lived by their admission that they had put their youngest sister in a dresser drawer in the absence of a crib, that they received charitable gifts from the local fire station, and that they were well-acquainted with child services. These were things that I hadn’t known firsthand. We were on the other side of material wealth.
But on the other hand, the kids being excluded and treated like outcasts, especially by Alice Wendleken resonated with me. After all, I had to endure that pastor’s kid telling everyone they were going to Hell. She was not a nice girl, and I didn’t need her telling me that I was dirty, unwanted, and unfit for this world. I got that enough from our own church, where the girls wore their hair long and their hands graced with little lace gloves, and talked so easily about the Bible stories they had learned at home from their highly-invested mothers, who, as far as I could tell, were some of the meanest women around. Yes, Alice Wendleken, the story’s true bully, was a prolific presence in my childhood, and the girls she represented are probably where I started to get the growing sense that I was very unworthy.
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Speaking of which! I’ve had in mind for a while to write about something that happened this past year that broke my heart, and maybe even more significantly, I think it broke a little of my spirit.
I wrote an entry for the Traver Award through the John D. Voelker Foundation. They were looking for stories about fly fishing that emphasized the joy of fly fishing, ecology, and/or humor, and the winner would be given a monetary prize and their entry published in the winter or spring edition of American Fly Fisher, the journal of the American Museum of Fly Fishing.
I set about writing what I thought was one of my best pieces to date, something totally outside of my normal repertoire, on the subject of learning how to fly fish as my dad’s health was in decline. I worked hard on it for weeks, writing draft after draft after draft, and even asked a writer-professor friend of mine to give me honest feedback. I submitted it sometime back in March, then waited months to hear anything about it. As October approached, I thought, “No news could mean I’m still in it. Maybe I’m at least a finalist, or maybe I made honorable mention.”
But one day, I checked the website to find that it had finally changed, and the 2024 winner had been announced. It was not me, and I was not among the finalists or the honorable mentions.
I think a thousand things went through my head - shame, embarrassment, that feeling that I was so stupid to have even tried or thought that I had any talent in this craft of writing, much less a seat at the table with other writers. It’s not just that, but that this publication is also about the fly fishing world - the world I love - and I felt excluded from it, like I didn’t have a place on the stream at all anymore.
Those feelings have stuck with me for months now, if I’m being honest. I also went through a host of other thoughts, not the least of which noted that the typical winner of this award is male, is already an accomplished writer, and did not typically include Christian commentary.
Maybe that’s why the story of “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” resonated so much with me this year. It was a story of barriers to entry, one I’ve lived all my life on playgrounds and in school hallways, churches, college classrooms, on streams and in fly shops, and even in my career aspirations.
A barrier to entry can be a real, tangible challenge where gatekeeping occurs, but I think more often, it’s just a story that’s built up inside of you to tell you that you just don’t belong in better spaces because you’re just not good enough, and you’re too different or less-than to be chosen.
I’ve certainly felt that way in fly fishing at times. As I have sought to carve out a little space for myself to belong in this world, it’s easy to look around and tell myself that what I’m doing here is a little too different to have a niche, and I’m not really sure where I belong in it all.
There are a lot of things I see that would garner more attention or followers or make me more acceptable to stakeholders, and certainly gender plays a role in some of it. I see many places for men in the fly fishing world. They own and occupy our shops, our magazines and publications, and our guide services. They tell most of the stories, design most of the products, and run most of the ministries. It seems like however they want to show up, they can. Christians, heathens, dads, grandpas, newbies, veterans, hippies, vegabonds, the destitute, and the millionaires.
Women seem to have narrower paths to follow, and the 50-50 On the Water initiative from Orvis seems to be evidence of that. Not to mention that it seems like there are far more spaces for the secular fisherman, writer, and woman.
To top it all off, I’m not sure if I’m an evangelist trying to reach fishermen or a fisherman trying to help Christians see the glory of God all around us. Maybe it’s both, and I’m not willing to abandon God nor Creation, because I’m going to be faithful to where I believe He’s led me until He redirects my path. But maybe, just maybe, that may mean there’s not really a place for me at all.
But none of that is really helpful. Really, it’s mostly just a bunch of stories I made up in my head to explain why I am where I am and what’s happened. And the thing that makes these stories most powerful is that they’re so easy to believe. That’s why we believe them. When someone breaks up with us and doesn’t give a reason, it’s easy to start telling ourselves it was because we’re unattractive, annoying, or fundamentally flawed in some other way. When we don’t get the promotion we wanted, it’s easy to believe it’s because we weren’t as deserving or as likeable as the other candidate. If I don’t get served in a fly shop, it’s easy to believe it’s because I’m a woman. Or how about this one - when we don’t get to make a huge, public impact in our walk with Christ, it’s easy to believe that we’re less chosen, less gifted, less faithful, or bigger sinners than other Christians.
The thing is, none of these thoughts are helpful, and most of them probably aren’t true. I think it’s one of the devil’s favorite tools - give us a little snippet of fact and then blow it up into a lie. “Did God really say…?” said he, as he tempted Eve. And perhaps many of our greatest temptations lie in that space between our own ears, writing new stories in our minds about what went wrong and why.
However, one conundrum about these stories is that we can often recognize that they’re not true, even as they get under our skin. Why is that?
Well, I recently got introduced to Dr. Lee Warren’s work in what he calls “self-brain surgery”. He was on the But Jesus Drank Wine podcast, and I immediately ordered and listened to his latest book Hope is the First Dose. In it, he talks through the trauma of his son’s death and subsequent difficult journey to move forward. Also a renowned neurosurgeon and passionate Christian, his insights help us make tangible connections between our brain, which often works on autopilot; our minds, which God has given us to make conscious choices; and the way that the Bible teaches us to use our minds to steward our brains.
So a little Dr. Warren 101 today. First, your brain and mind are not the same thing. The brain works through a series of chemical, electrical, and hormonal messages. Something really relevant to us is that our brains are constantly trying to sort stimuli into categories. Dangerous or not dangerous. Delicious or gag-worthy. Surprising or mundane. This helps keep us safe from all kinds of danger and operate successfully in a world filled with tons and tons of stimuli.
Why does that matter? Well, along the course of life, Dr. Warren explains, our minds give our brains permission to respond to stimuli and experiences on autopilot. For example, when I was a kid, I loved dogs. Subconsciously, I allowed my brain to process the sight of a dog as a happy, positive encounter. Later, in my teen years, I was attacked by a friend’s airedale terrier. It was terrifying, but this experience did not deter me from continuing to love dogs and getting excited when I saw them. My brain was already hardwired to believe that dogs were friends, not foes.
But this is also why negative beliefs and habits are so hard to break. If all you heard growing up was that you were trash, and your brain has that on autopilot, then you’ll go into adult life believing that, and it’ll carry into all of your relationships and choices. A hard-wiring has already taken place in the brain to automatically jump to that conclusion when you face hard decisions or circumstances.
So what do we do with that?
Listen, friends, we talk about God in nature all the time here, but let’s not forget that we are also His Creation, made to reflect His truth and glory! And if it’s true that we get negative beliefs hard-wired in our brains, the same goes for positive beliefs, and more importantly, for God’s true story about His love for us. This is why He gave us free choice through our minds to minister to our brains.
Let’s check out some Scriptures that demonstrate this.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Phew! God has given us divine power to demolish those strongholds from the enemy.
2 Timothy 1:7-11 gets a little more intense:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.
Did you know that fear is the enemy of sanity? It says so right there - that a sound mind has no place with the spirit of fear. Paul encourages Timothy to look at his trials and struggles through the lens of the Gospel and choose to believe that he is saved and appointed to a holy calling. He was essentially telling him to use his mind to remind himself that he can keep going because of God’s love in Christ Jesus.
Isaiah 26:3 says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” To “stay our minds” on God is to focus on what He says is true, and to focus on His eternal attributes of holiness, love, mercy, justice, sovereignty, authority, dominion, etc. When we trust in God and all that He is, then the concerns of this world seem minimal compared to His glory.
Paul gives us a pretty comprehensive list in Philippians 4:4-9:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I love this passage because it’s full of calls to action, and that’s what our minds have to be ready to do - put the Truth of God into action. Paul knew this well. In Romans 7:21-25, he talks extensively about the battle he fought against sin and the mental wrestling he did with it:
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Each of us has sin hard-wired into our flesh, just by nature of being descendants of Adam and Eve. But his mind wants to please God, and so he continues to try, despite the strong urges he has to sin. He doesn’t really specify what those urges or sins are, just that it’s an ongoing battle for his mind to overcome.
Of course, none of us will overcome sin in this lifetime, and he graciously concludes in Romans 8:1-2, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” This is yet another way that he uses his mind to overcome. Rather than give in to the thought that he’s just a fallen sinner, doomed to succumb to evil inclinations forever, he sets his mind on the truth that Christ died to set us free from this condemnation.
This is another reason that knowing what is right is important. It’s not enough to just tell ourselves, “That’s a lie.” For example, I know it’s bad thinking to say I didn’t win that award because there is something fundamentally wrong with me. But if that’s a hard-wired belief, then I have to replace it with some other belief in order to rewire it correctly. Sometimes, that’s just trust. It’s saying, “This didn’t work out the way I had hoped, but I trust that God will open doors on His good time. He will always lead me where He wants me.”
A very helpful exercise I will go through is mentally putting on the Armor of God from Ephesians 6. In this passage, Paul lists each piece of equipment and what it was for:
Helmet of salvation. I interpret this one in particular as the act of preaching the Gospel to my own brain, and I put this in words: I am saved. I am forgiven. I am loved. The Holy Spirit is with me.
Breastplate of righteousness. I interpret this as God’s ways. When we obey God and when we believe what He has told us, then we protect our hearts from sin and the temptation to doubt Him. (Hey - taking thoughts captive is a command, so we should obey it!)
Belt of Truth. Since a belt holds up the breastplate, this is the Truth that guides us to know who God is and what He wants us to understand. It acts as a girdle that holds us up when life gets heavy.
Sandals fitted with the readiness of the Gospel of peace. This reminds me that we should be ready at any moment to spring into action to share the Gospel. This is so much easier to do if we’re preaching the Good News to our own hearts and brains daily!
Shield of faith. A shield protects us, and Paul specifies that this is to extinguish the enemy’s flaming arrows. Historically, flaming arrows were used to set fires, create a distraction, and cause soldiers to break rank. It is important that we take our thoughts and feelings captive so that we can see the schemes of the enemy and identify when he’s simply trying to distract us with lies, especially lies of doom, gloom, and discouragement.
Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Finally, we get a weapon! The Word of God itself was good enough for Jesus to fight Satan after 40 days of fasting in the wilderness when that old snake tried to tempt Him, which makes it more than good enough for us. If the shield helps us identify the lie or the bad story we’re believing, then this sword helps us dash it to pieces and replace it with the solid, eternal, unchanging Truth of God’s love, power, and providence.
Listen, we’re not going to self-help our way out of this stuff. A lot of the stories we believe are tangled up with our own sin and experiences that have shaped us. The Sword is the only weapon I know of that can simultaneously cut out the cancerous lies, untangle the mess of confusing thoughts and experiences, and heal what has been killing our spirits for so long.
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Moment of honesty. Last week, I walked out into the woods to try the new camera lens Zeb gave me for Christmas and whispered to God, “I feel like a pile of dog shit.” What I meant was that I feel left behind, unseen, and insignificant where I am right now.
It may not have been the most eloquent language, but it was something I needed to tell God. I knew He already knew that I’m exhausted from trying so hard to swim the ocean of life and feeling like I’m just treading water in the marina while I watch all the boats speed off ahead of me, and I knew He could tend to the heaviness of that bad story. Immediately after I said it, two thoughts came to mind:
It’s better to be last in God’s Kingdom. It just is. If God gives us a humble place, then we should absolutely rejoice in that lowly status, because He promises that many of the first will be last and many of the last will be first in Heaven (Matthew 19:30). I know I’m not anywhere near the last, but it’s OK to not be anywhere near the first either. We’re never insignificant, unseen, or left behind by God. Where He has us in any given moment is an appointment for now, not for eternity.
I received my WORD AND PHRASE OF THE YEAR! I state that in all-caps because I honestly can’t believe I’m writing them for the second year in a row. Y’all, I am so not this person. But my word is “trust” and the phrase is “keep going”. Last year, it was “joy” and “suck it up”, and I think this year is building on that. It reminds me that sometimes it takes a number of years for a tree to produce its first crop of fruit! The orchardist trusts the process and just keeps going. While this didn’t completely remove the pile-ish feeling, my heart was encouraged that I’m on track, and that God knows where I am and has a plan. I didn’t miss anything, and He didn’t forget me.
You know, There were real barriers to entry in “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever”. The kids were poor, raising themselves, and had become outcasts because of their feral behavior. But the story they told themselves was that they had as much right to be there in that church as much as Alice Wendleken, the story’s true bully (who did come around in the end). Therefore, the real barriers disappeared as they claimed their place, both figuratively and literally, in God’s story.
So I want to encourage everyone today that where God has called you, there is no barrier to entry - not gender, political affiliation, professional background, work experience, handicap, neuro-divergence, or marital status or anything else. The only barriers that stand in the way are the untrue stories we allow to take up space in our minds that cause us to doubt God’s leading and plans. We have to be on guard against this, because the enemy is always there to sabotage us, the world will always be there to encourage us to sin, someone is always willing to tell you that you’re a victim, and our memories are always there to remind us how we failed before. But none of those has a bearing on God’s plans, except to the extent that we believe and live by them. And we do not have any time to waste in this life being held back by barriers that only exist in the eight inches between our ears!
So friends, what stories have become barriers to entering into God’s calling on your life? It’s probably something that you know doesn't align with God’s Word, but still persists because it’s so objectively believable. Is it your worth as a single person? Is it a circumstance you feel excludes you from certain activities or spaces? Is it some way that you were born? Is it your age or appearance? Is it your past setbacks or failures? It’s time to replace these stories with God’s Truth and step into that calling.
I feel so strongly about this that I want to extend a personal invitation for anyone to reach out if you’re struggling with a bad story that’s become a barrier in your life. If you’ve got a lie, I can find a Truth you can cling to, and I also have some more exercises for uprooting lies that I developed when I was going through the divorce. Just send a message to me via Substack’s chat!
I wish you all a very Happy New Year as we embark on this 2025 adventure together. Until next time, may all that God created - including your own mind and brain - testify to His power and divine nature, that you may be encouraged by His love all around you.